for sending your Holy Son to die for us and our sins. I had the honor
to be in our easter play at church. There was about 256 people there
and two got saved. At the end it was all worth it! There was alot of
us that gave our cardboard testimonies and man was that powerful! We
gave it all away to God and now our lives will never be the same. I
praise and thank God for who I am now. A new child of God living for
Him and Him only. Our God is not dead Hes alive living on the inside
of each of us if we are Childern of God. Today I've been having alot
of mixed emotions. It's not easy for me to deal with my emotions. But
the awesome thing is I have a Amazing Father who says " cast all your
cares and worries on me!" (1Peter 5:7) Today I felt so overwhelmed I
had to stop and pray. The only thing I know how to do when I feel
helpless. I have to trust that God knows what's best for my life. And
He will take care of me. This song pretty much explains me right now:
Verse 1: Invading all my weakness You wrapped me up in grace The
worst of me succeeded by the best of You
Verse 2 My heart is overtaken My soul is overwhelmed The worst of me
succeeded by the best of You
Verse 3 My dreams have found their purpose My future in Your hands
This life would have no meaning if it weren't for You
(PreChorus So I lay me down For Kingdom come Steal all that is within
me Cause all I want in this world is more of You
Chorus And the less of me it is You Increasing as I fade away Your
light for all the world to see God It is You who breaks the chains It
is You who lights the way And everything I am cries out for You
Verse 4 Lord make my life transparent Your life in mine displayed And
let every earthly glory Go back to You
(PreChorus So I lay me down For Kingdom come Steal all that is within
me Cause all I want in this world Is more of You
Chorus And the less of me it is You Increasing as I fade away Your
light for all the world to see God It is You who breaks the chains It
is You who lights the way And everything I am cries out for You
The 13th will be 5 years that my grandma has died. Gosh how I miss
her. It's funny my mom does a griefshare group and I helped lead one
but my grandmas death is always hard on me. My grandma and I were very
close. I loved her to death and she loved me very much I know. I was
12 when she passed away. I would spend every free time I had over at
her house taking care of her. My faith in God slowly started to fade
away during the time of her death. I would cry out to God begging for
her to be healed. For one more day. Just one more. I remember one
night she called me into her room saying call you mom it's time. I
rushed out of her room in tears. She didn't die that night but I knew
she was going too soon. I remember I prayed and felt good about
everything and then the next morning I woke up and heard she passed. I
couldn't beleive it and thought it wasn't true. But it was. I was very
hurt and upset. My relationship with God was at a stand point. 6 days
later I turned 13. It was a very hard birthday and I knew then that
any birthday and holiday was forever changed. Around the age of 13 I
started to find love in boys. My real dad lefted when I was a baby and
I am very grateful for my step dad( who is my dad!) but there love
wasn't always there. I just wanted a way to escape and a way to feel
loved. At the age of 15 I started to become more invovoled with this
one boy. Thank God I didn't do anything in person with any boy. But
what I did was still as bad. A sin was a sin. After him I continued to
do the same thing with two other boys. Finally the light was shinned
on what I was doing about two years ago now. I remember my dad saying
"what do you think your grandma would think about this?" Hearing that
tore me apart. I was mad for a while at my dad for saying that. But I
knew she wouldn't like what I was doing. She would want the best.
After everything we started to go to a new church which we are still
at. I started to learn more and more about Gods love for me. I already
had asked forgiveness for what I did. But I still felt so uncleaned.
Then I realized I needed to forgive myself and really change. I was
still living with that bondage of what I had done. No matter how hard
I tried to not think about it,it was still there. Around this time my
mom had gone to an encounter (which I will be going at the end of this
month!!! :)) she met this lady who had about the same past as me. When
we went to the celebration service in vero I got to met this lady.
When it was time to pray I said God I really want to get prayed for
make a way... I looked right up and the lady just happen to be right
infront of me and no one was praying with her. I said God thank you
I'll go. Already I was in tears. I wanted to be freed so much from my
past. When I went up there the Holy Spirit was so powerful in that
place. That night I got freed! And my prayer language! I felt so
peaceful and free. I knew my past was no longer tieing me down. I felt
cleaned. I've been following God with everything in me. I know I
went through what I did to help young girls who are having trouble
with feeling loved. God loves you so much! He wants the best and only
best for your life. Last year I wrote a note to my grandma. I told her
how much I was sorry for who I was and I know that she's proud of who
I am now. I felt a sence of relief after writing it. In 10 days I will
be 18. It's been hard on my knowing my grandma isn't here for this big
day. All the big milestones in my life will always be hard. I try my
best to keep it together but I still cry every once in a while.
Standing infront of 256 people with my family sharing what God has
done was heart warming for me. My one side said "looking for love in
the world" My other side said "found love in God"
For everyone who's reading this: follow God with all of your heart.
Never let go of Him! And if you do, Hes always there for you! His love
for you never ends!
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